Thursday, January 22, 2009

Dear Internet,

There's this new show on the television called American Idol. You know what that is? That's bullshit! I watched this show and don't see any American Idols. In fact, I see a lot of little girls tarted up like whores and crying gay boys. Not that being a gay is bad like murdering people, but it's certainly not American. It strikes me as being more French. Which is probably why on the show they have some Frenchy up there yelling at everyone. That's not America! If they want an American show they should put me up there. I'll yell at those little tarts to go home and put some damn clothes on! Give up this stupid obsession with singing like black folks and get a real job like having babies. And I'd tell the gay kids to man up! Stop crying because I said your father thinks you're a disgrace. It's just the truth. How would you like to have a burly little boy who grows up to be a crying fag on TV? You wouldn't! You're not going to Hollywood! You're going to church where you can learn to love a real man like Jesus Christ! You never saw Jesus on TV crying because some Frenchy told him he couldn't sing. That's cause Jesus Christ was an American!

I've sent a note up to Bama seeing if he can get this damn thing off of my TV. Either that or rename it to Frenchy Idol. I figure the President should have the right to determine what things can or can't be called American. His daughters probably watch the show though (little girls are into crying gay boys) so he probably won't do anything. If Reagan were still President he'd take care of it!

A List of Real American Idols:
  • John Wayne
  • George W. Bush
  • Elvis
  • Neil Armstrong (he had both his testicles)
  • Johnny Cash
  • The Marlboro Man
  • Captain America
  • The FBI
  • Mickey Mouse
  • Me
God bless America and God bless Me


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